You know, I've just realised how much life isn't like what it seems to be. With everyone in the same class, I don't see that bondedness anymore. Instead, everywhere, I see small cliques that I know I will never be part of.
The question is, DO I want to be part of them? The answer is, yes and no. I guess.
Yes because, I don't know. I've never felt this lonely in my life, probably. And that is more figurative than portrayed.
I mean, you're surrounded with a bunch of sick maniacs that, unfortunately, share the same sick passions as you [that I don't want to have anymore] and naturally, you're supposed to be enjoying yourself cause you're with a bunch of people with the same 'passion' as you. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
And what do I get? I find myself sinking deeper into emostatus- the best thing? No one notices. Until I say it out.
But I can't- its not like everything stops and people start to 'comfort' you, that'll be bad. Its worse- everything continues like i'm non-existent and happy.
I can't force them to stop their rants but I'm not going to make them purposely circle around me like I'm the centre of attention, like it matters to anybody whether I emo or not. I'm not. That's being plain selfish.
Of all, I'm going to try being a loner from now on. I mean, during band I'll have my bandmates♥, during class I'll stay by myself. When I go home, I'll just find people to walk with me and I'll shut up. Y'know, I need time to shut my brain up and reflect on what the hell I'm doing.
I don't even see WHY I should emo about all these. Why?
Maybe its because I miss my batch too much. There are people in Lystra that reminds me so much of my batch, I'm naturally drawn to them. But, not anymore. I can't continue like this.
I'll break down.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
{ 11:05 AM on '#58. D:' }
I know la. This blog died.
---
You know, I've just realised how much life isn't like what it seems to be. With everyone in the same class, I don't see that bondedness anymore. Instead, everywhere, I see small cliques that I know I will never be part of.
The question is, DO I want to be part of them? The answer is, yes and no. I guess.
Yes because, I don't know. I've never felt this lonely in my life, probably. And that is more figurative than portrayed.
I mean, you're surrounded with a bunch of sick maniacs that, unfortunately, share the same sick passions as you [that I don't want to have anymore] and naturally, you're supposed to be enjoying yourself cause you're with a bunch of people with the same 'passion' as you. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
And what do I get? I find myself sinking deeper into emostatus- the best thing? No one notices. Until I say it out.
But I can't- its not like everything stops and people start to 'comfort' you, that'll be bad. Its worse- everything continues like i'm non-existent and happy.
I can't force them to stop their rants but I'm not going to make them purposely circle around me like I'm the centre of attention, like it matters to anybody whether I emo or not. I'm not. That's being plain selfish.
Of all, I'm going to try being a loner from now on. I mean, during band I'll have my bandmates♥, during class I'll stay by myself. When I go home, I'll just find people to walk with me and I'll shut up. Y'know, I need time to shut my brain up and reflect on what the hell I'm doing.
I don't even see WHY I should emo about all these. Why?
Maybe its because I miss my batch too much. There are people in Lystra that reminds me so much of my batch, I'm naturally drawn to them. But, not anymore. I can't continue like this.
