Life doesn't get any more meaningful than it does now, where in the bottom of a 300,000 light years deep pit you know there's no where else you can go but up. or upside down. Again.
Regardless of the first day of school 5-minute happiness, where I received my christmas presents and belated birthday presents, the day was spent in agony - but not because of the diarrhoea but of the tornado stirring in me. The tornado of feelings.
So many scenarios have played over in my head, of how I could EVER feel friendless, especially during Year1 orientation last year. Although at that time I knew no one from Lystra, I felt more noticed than I do now. Why? Now when I've friends from every class, now when I know everyone from Lystra, why does that warm and tingly feeling of friendship still evade me? What is the problem? With me, or with you?
If I had known being in a class like 1L and 2L, I'd never have come here. Upon leaving Rosyth, I guaranteed myself a secure heart never to engage in such childish acts of 'friendship' again. From my past experiences, real friends can't be stolen or gained through clinging onto them, and the intensity of the friendship can't be measured by the amount of time spent with the person.
Even if I spent a million years with you, I won't be able to hold a place in your heart in comparison to one who spent only a day with you.
I wanted to find a true friend, truer than those who don't even have the heart to return me the presents I went to pains to give them, even if its just out of basic courtesy. Or better than those who obviously, didn't want to give me a present- rather giving some other random person one than someone supposedly closer to him/her than him/her.
Maybe that's what the saying goes, "Life is unfair". Life really is. Life is cruel, too.
When you have someone as a friend, that wouldn't speak to you in class or acknowledge you, so much so that you've given up trying to talk to that person or, 'cling' on to him/her. I've given up trying to maintain SMS contact. Since its one-way traffic, then you can't even call it traffic.
Life sucks, and the beginning of a 2009 year seems to be a bad omen for whats to come.
On the bright side, I can now study without much distractions.
Group projects, on the other hand? I'll have to find a group which I've not much compellation to work with.
Good luck.
Friday, January 9, 2009
{ 10:07 PM on '#105. when you feel lost.' }
i feel lost.
Life doesn't get any more meaningful than it does now, where in the bottom of a 300,000 light years deep pit you know there's no where else you can go but up. or upside down. Again.
Regardless of the first day of school 5-minute happiness, where I received my christmas presents and belated birthday presents, the day was spent in agony - but not because of the diarrhoea but of the tornado stirring in me. The tornado of feelings.
So many scenarios have played over in my head, of how I could EVER feel friendless, especially during Year1 orientation last year. Although at that time I knew no one from Lystra, I felt more noticed than I do now. Why? Now when I've friends from every class, now when I know everyone from Lystra, why does that warm and tingly feeling of friendship still evade me? What is the problem? With me, or with you?
If I had known being in a class like 1L and 2L, I'd never have come here. Upon leaving Rosyth, I guaranteed myself a secure heart never to engage in such childish acts of 'friendship' again. From my past experiences, real friends can't be stolen or gained through clinging onto them, and the intensity of the friendship can't be measured by the amount of time spent with the person.
Even if I spent a million years with you, I won't be able to hold a place in your heart in comparison to one who spent only a day with you.
I wanted to find a true friend, truer than those who don't even have the heart to return me the presents I went to pains to give them, even if its just out of basic courtesy. Or better than those who obviously, didn't want to give me a present- rather giving some other random person one than someone supposedly closer to him/her than him/her.
Maybe that's what the saying goes, "Life is unfair". Life really is. Life is cruel, too.
When you have someone as a friend, that wouldn't speak to you in class or acknowledge you, so much so that you've given up trying to talk to that person or, 'cling' on to him/her. I've given up trying to maintain SMS contact. Since its one-way traffic, then you can't even call it traffic.
Life sucks, and the beginning of a 2009 year seems to be a bad omen for whats to come.
On the bright side, I can now study without much distractions.
Group projects, on the other hand? I'll have to find a group which I've not much compellation to work with.
